Many sisters write in asking about the rules of marriage during the waiting period (Iddah), and about what happens to a marriage when a husband disappears, stops supporting his wife, or simply never gets around to giving a clear divorce. Others ask about the foster relationship (Rizaa) — something that sounds old-fashioned but still matters today — and whether breastfeeding a baby who is not your own creates a real, lasting family bond. This article covers both the iddah and foster relationship rules in Islam carefully, point by point, the way they are recorded in classical Islamic jurisprudence.
A mother nursing her child — the foundation of the foster relationship (Rizaa) in Islamic law
A Woman Already in Someone's Marriage (Nikah) or Waiting Period (Iddah)
Before looking at individual rulings, it helps to understand why Islamic law treats this area with so much seriousness.
Why Marriage (Nikah) Is Called a Solemn Covenant in the Quran
The Holy Quran does not describe marriage as a casual arrangement. It is described as a firm, binding pledge between two people.
وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا
"...and they have taken from you a solemn covenant."
This single phrase, Meesaqan Ghaleeza, sets the tone for everything that follows. The authority to end this covenant rests with the husband, through divorce. Until that divorce is actually given, the wife remains within that bond, even if the couple is no longer living together and even if the relationship has broken down in practice. The only other way the bond ends is through the husband's death. And once the marriage ends in either of these ways, the woman enters a waiting period (Iddah) — and during that waiting period, a second marriage is not permitted.
Marriage Proposals During the Waiting Period (Iddah)
It is easy to assume that once a divorce has happened, a woman is free to consider new proposals right away. Classical scholars are firm that this is not the case.
A direct, explicit marriage proposal during Iddah is not permitted under any circumstance — this applies whether the Iddah is due to divorce or due to the husband's death. Even a verbal promise to marry "once the Iddah is over" is not allowed. What is permitted is far more limited: a person may quietly hold the intention in their heart, or use an indirect, suggestive remark that hints at interest without stating it plainly. Even this limited allowance only applies to a woman in the waiting period of widowhood — not to a woman whose Iddah is the result of divorce. For her, even an indirect hint is not permitted until her waiting period has fully ended Fatawa Razawiyyah.
When a Husband Neither Divorces Nor Supports His Wife
This is one of the most painful situations a married woman can face, and unfortunately it is far from rare. A husband may leave the home, stop providing financial support, stop checking on his wife's wellbeing, yet never actually pronounce a divorce. Some women, worn down by years of being ignored, begin to consider this an informal end to the marriage.
Islamic law does not see it that way. As long as neither death nor formal divorce has taken place, the wife remains legally married, and marrying someone else in this condition is forbidden, regardless of how difficult the circumstances have become. Using the hardship of the situation as a justification for a second marriage does not make the second marriage permissible — the marriage bond is a matter of law, not a matter of how a husband happens to be behaving Fatawa Razawiyyah.
A Woman Carrying a Pregnancy From an Unlawful Relationship
Few topics call for as much directness as this one, and classical jurists addressed it without hesitation rather than avoiding it. A woman who is pregnant as a result of an unlawful relationship (Zina) can still be married. If the man marrying her is the one responsible for the pregnancy, marital relations are permitted even during the pregnancy. If he is not, marital relations must wait until the child is born — though the marriage contract itself can still take place beforehand. This is different from a case where a child's lineage (Nasab) is already legally established and attributed to another man through a recognized marriage; in that situation, no one else may marry that woman while she carries that legally attributed pregnancy Al-Alamgiri, Durr-e-Mukhtar.
When a Husband Has Been Missing for Years
Few situations test a woman's patience as much as having a husband disappear without any news — no confirmation of whether he is alive or dead. Some women in this position, especially when they are young and facing real financial or emotional needs, want to move forward and remarry. Classical scholars are clear that this cannot be done immediately.
She is required to wait. The traditional ruling is specific on this point: she must observe patience until seventy years have passed since her missing husband's birth. Only after that point may a ruling of presumed death be issued, after which she observes her Iddah before a new marriage becomes possible Fatawa Razawiyyah. The reasoning behind this caution is straightforward: youth and genuine hardship do not turn something forbidden into something permitted. Classical scholars also pointed to the example of many widows in earlier generations who, despite far younger ages and real financial pressure, chose patience and trust in Allah over compromising this principle, and noted that lawful means of earning a livelihood remain open to a woman in this position, just as fasting (Sawm) was described in a well-known saying of the Prophet ﷺ as a shield that helps a person guard against being led astray during periods of difficulty.
الصِّيَامُ جُنَّةٌ
"Fasting is a shield."
Practical Note: For women living through a husband's prolonged absence today, this is rarely just a legal question — it is an emotional and financial one too. Reaching out to a local, qualified Islamic scholar (Mufti) early on, rather than waiting years in silence, helps ensure that the process is handled correctly and that the woman is not left without guidance or support during the waiting process. If you would like to understand the divorce (Talaq) process itself in more depth, see our related guide: Understanding Divorce (Talaq) Rules in Islam.
Foster Relationship (Rizaa) — When Breastfeeding Creates a Family Bond
The second area covered in classical Islamic family law often surprises people the first time they hear about it: breastfeeding a child who is not biologically yours can create a real, lasting family relationship — one that affects who that child may later marry.
Islamic guidance on Nikah and the Iddah waiting period in marriage
What Actually Establishes a Foster Relationship (Rizaa)?
The foster relationship is established through a child receiving a woman's milk — and this is broader than most people assume. It is not limited to a baby nursing in the usual way. If milk is dropped into the child's mouth or nose and is known to have reached the body, the same ruling applies. The amount does not matter; whether the child consumed a small or large quantity, the relationship is established as long as it is confirmed the milk actually entered the body. If the child simply took the breast into the mouth but it is not known whether any milk was actually swallowed, the relationship is not established Jawhara Nayyira.
The Age Limit That Matters
Timing is essential here, and this is where many people get confused. If a baby who has already been weaned is then given another woman's milk, the foster relationship is only established if this happens within two and a half years of the child's birth. Beyond that window, it does not apply.
There is a common misconception worth clearing up directly: some people believe girls are covered up to two years and boys up to two and a half years. This is incorrect. The two-and-a-half-year window applies equally regardless of whether the child is a boy or a girl. Separately, the general recommendation for the duration of breastfeeding itself is two full years; feeding beyond that point is not encouraged, though if it does happen within the two-and-a-half-year window, the foster relationship is still legally established — it is just not the better practice.
Who Becomes Family Through Foster Feeding?
Once the relationship is established, its effects extend through what is essentially an entire new family tree:
The woman who nursed the child becomes that child's foster mother. Her husband — the man through whom she became pregnant and produced that milk — becomes the child's foster father. Every child that woman has, whether from that husband or any other husband, whether born before, after, or around the same time as the nursing, becomes a foster sibling to the nursed child. The woman's own brothers become the child's foster maternal uncles, her sisters become foster maternal aunts. On the husband's side, his other children become foster siblings, his brothers become foster paternal uncles, his sisters become foster paternal aunts. Even the parents and grandparents of both the foster mother and foster father become connected through this same chain Al-Alamgiri.
The Same Boundaries as Blood Relationships
A simple principle ties all of this together: whatever is forbidden in marriage due to blood relationship is equally forbidden through foster relationship. There are a small number of specific exceptions recognized by scholars, and because these exceptions involve fine detail, anyone facing a real situation like this should consult a qualified scholar directly rather than relying on general assumptions.
Unusual but Recognized Cases
Classical jurists also addressed less common scenarios to make sure no gap was left in the ruling. If, by Allah's will, an unmarried girl produces milk and a child is nursed from her during the valid window, the foster relationship is still established. The same applies if a child is nursed from the milk of a deceased woman Durr-e-Mukhtar. The one clear exception is age on the mother's side: milk from a girl younger than nine years old does not establish a foster relationship at all Jawhara Nayyira.
When Two Children Share the Same Wet Nurse
A scenario that comes up often in larger or close-knit families is when one woman ends up nursing children from two separate households, sometimes years apart. The ruling here matters because it affects who those two children may later marry.
If one woman nurses two different children — one boy and one girl — from two different mothers, those two children become foster siblings to each other, and marriage between them becomes forbidden. This holds true even if there were years between the two nursing events, and even if the woman was married to a different husband at each of those times. The shared connection is to the nursing woman herself, not to the timing or to which husband she was with at the time Durr-e-Mukhtar.
A Specific Case Involving Unlawful Relations
Classical jurists did not shy away from addressing even the most difficult and distressing situations, so that no doubt would remain about who becomes permissible or impermissible for marriage afterward.
If a child was born from an unlawful relationship (Zina) and a girl is later nursed by that same woman, the man involved in that original unlawful relationship becomes forbidden from marrying that nursed girl, due to the foster connection through the mother.
Mixing Breast Milk With Water, Medicine, or Animal Milk
A practical question comes up more often than people expect, especially when milk is expressed and combined with something else before being given to a child. The rule depends on proportion: if the breast milk is dominant in the mixture, or even simply equal to the other substance, the foster relationship is established. If the breast milk is the smaller, overpowered portion, it is not established. The exact same logic applies if breast milk is mixed with the milk of an animal such as a goat — dominant portion means the relationship applies, overpowered portion means it does not Radd-ul-Muhtar.
Guidance for Mothers on Nursing Other People's Children
Classical scholars advised mothers not to nurse every child who comes their way without genuine need, precisely because of how many family relationships this single act can create. If a mother does nurse another woman's child, she is encouraged to remember it clearly herself and to inform others about it too, so that the resulting relationships are known and respected later on, particularly when those children grow up and questions of marriage arise. Nursing another woman's child without her husband's permission is discouraged (Makruh), though this discouragement is lifted if there is a genuine fear for the child's safety or survival. It is worth noting that even when something is discouraged, if it happens within the valid time window, the foster relationship is still legally established regardless Radd-ul-Muhtar.
Practical Note: In many households today, especially where sisters, close relatives, or even neighbours sometimes step in to nurse each other's babies during emergencies, this is not just a theoretical ruling — it directly affects who those children may marry years later. Keeping a simple record of who nursed whom, and when, can prevent real confusion within families down the line.
Duration of Breastfeeding and a Father's Authority
Parents often wonder exactly how long nursing should continue and who has the final say once that period comes to an end.
The recommended duration for breastfeeding a child is two years, and extending it further is not encouraged. This is a separate question from the two-and-a-half-year window for establishing the foster relationship — one is about good practice, the other is about legal effect. Continuing to nurse purely as a form of treatment or remedy after the proper period has ended is also not permitted. On a related note, within the first two years, a father does not have the authority to force the mother to wean the child early; after the two years are complete, he does gain that authority Radd-ul-Muhtar.
Closing Reminder
Both of these areas of Islamic family law exist for the same underlying reason — to protect the clarity and sanctity of family bonds, so that no one enters a marriage uncertain of whether it is truly permissible. These are not areas to navigate alone based on assumptions; when a real situation arises, whether it involves a missing husband, an unclear divorce, or a question about a nursing relationship, speaking to a knowledgeable, trustworthy scholar is always the safer and more responsible path. If this article helped clarify something for you, consider sharing it with another sister who may be facing a similar question.
Islamic guidance writer, PURE ISLAMIC WOMEN'S GUIDANCE
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a man propose marriage to a woman who is still in her waiting period (Iddah)?
A direct, open marriage proposal during the waiting period is not allowed in any case. If the waiting period is due to the husband's death, an indirect or hinting remark is permitted, but if the waiting period is due to divorce, even an indirect hint is not allowed until the waiting period ends.
Is a woman free to remarry if her husband refuses to give a divorce or provide for her?
No. As long as the marriage bond has not been ended through divorce or the husband's death, the wife remains married to him in the eyes of Islamic law, even if he is neglecting her financially and emotionally.
How long must a woman wait if there is no news of her husband's whereabouts at all?
She is required to exercise patience and cannot remarry simply based on need or personal circumstances. The classical ruling requires waiting until seventy years have passed since the missing husband's birth before a ruling of presumed death can be issued, after which she observes her waiting period (Iddah) before any new marriage.
Up to what age does breastfeeding establish a foster relationship (Rizaa)?
A foster relationship is established only if the child is breastfed within two and a half years of birth. Feeding after this age does not create the foster relationship, even though continuing to breastfeed beyond two years is not encouraged.
If breast milk is combined with another liquid before being given to a child, does the foster relationship still apply?
If the breast milk is the dominant or equal portion of the mixture, the foster relationship is established. If the breast milk is the lesser, overpowered portion, the foster relationship does not apply.
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